Message: #1  2022-07-13  

The 330,000,001th god of Hinduism
C Y Gopinath - Yesterday 6:56 am

The Hindu pantheon has, believe it or not, 330 million gods,
enumerated no doubt by some assiduous Vedic intern back when India
ruled the world. We’ve got a god for everything. We’re top of the
heap when it comes to gods. But as my luck would have it, I could not
find a suitable god for my purposes.

One of the great things about Hinduism is that you can make up gods
precisely tailored to your needs. You can declare someone to be a god,
and that’s all it takes. Aap doctor nahin, aap bhagwan hain. Some
people, like Asaram Babu or some Yogi, can even declare themselves to
be gods and that’s okay too. Hinduism is very tolerant of
diversity.

There’s a god for every occasion. Pushan is the god for marriages,
journeys, roads, and the feeding of cattle. The goddess Vac names
things and makes it possible for friends to recognise each other. 

Manasa looks after snakes and snakebites, and Sarama is all about
dogs. My favourite is the little-known younger brother of Ganesha,
known as Skanda. He is the god of thieves, though he has several other
portfolios.

It’s not very different from Christians having patron saints for
everything. For example, Jesus Malverde is the patron saint of hard
drugs, and revered by drug cartels.

I once went to Mehndipur, a temple town near Jaipur, to pay my
respects to the god Balaji. He’s in charge of exorcisms. Lots of
possessed people in Mehndipur.

A Pew survey found that among Hindus, the most popular god by far is
Shiva the destroyer (44 per cent). About a third of Hindus are
devotees of Hanuman (35 per cent)—symbol of strength and loyalty,
and Ganesha, remover of obstacles. South India has its own
preferences: Murugan (14 per cent of South Hindus), Ayyappa (13 per
cent) and Meenakshi (7 per cent).

My own personal god, who would be the 330-million-and-one-th listed
Hindu deity, goes by Pangajhooteshwar Maharaj. I understand he is
already worshipped by tens of thousands of Indians, though many are
yet to realise it. Pangaji temples will soon be a common sight.

Of course, the question on everyone’s minds is: do some gods and/or
goddesses like to drink? Since there is a god for pretty much
everything, you’d expect one to be dedicated to hooch. Well, Varuni,
daughter of the god Varuna, is the sommelier of the Hindu pantheon, in
charge of the bar. Some Indian gods didn’t mind a peg or two on
occasion.

Which makes it all the more perplexing why everyone has their knickers
in a twist because Bengali MP Mahua Mitra spoke of Kali, Bengal’s
revered goddess of destruction, as being “meat-eating and
alcohol-accepting”. Apparently, this was heresy. The party which
lost the elections in Bengal immediately filed police complaints that
the MP had “hurt religious sentiments”.

Does Kali actually like the stuff or not?

According to Indologist Manab Chatterjee, the ritual use of booze in
Kali-worship has been mentioned in the Niruttara Tantra, a religious
sect. Another scholar, Purba Sengupta, says liquor, signifying strong
emotions, is essential to the worship of a goddess who symbolises
shakti (power) and destruction, and is consumed as prasad after being
offered to the deity.

You don’t have to go as far as Bengal. Right there at the doorstep
of the BJP government in Delhi is the Bhairavnath Temple, near Pragati
Maidan’s Gate number 1. Said to be nearly 2,000 years old, its main
deity is Bhairo Baba, a demon killed by the goddess Durga, another
name of Kali. Bhairo Baba only accepts liquor as an offering. His
bhakts then get high on the prasad.

What, you might wonder, does my god Pangajhooteshwar protect? In
India, he protects the right to take pangas, or take and give offence.
He also guarantees every Indian’s right to make up half-truths and
even outright lies and post them on WhatsApp or Facebook.

Pangajhooteshwar is a new god for a new and shining India. He is
easily offended so you have to watch what you say to him. He loves
nothing more than taking pangas over some imagined slight, and boy,
does he imagine slights. He preaches sobriety and vegetarianism but
once the sun sets, all bets are off. 

Pangaji protects your constitutional right to make a big fuss about
nothing. He is particularly fond of righteous moral indignation and
much ado over trivial issues. For those who do this successfully,
Pangaji promises eternal government, outrage wherever you look and a
nation of people who really don’t like anyone who’s not like
them.

Here, viewed from there. C Y Gopinath, in Bangkok, throws unique light
and shadows on Mumbai, the city that raised him. You can reach him at
cygopi@gmail.com

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Message: #0  2022-07-14  

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